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Ayn Rand wisely said,

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”

Building confidence is not about ability; it’s about belief. As evidenced by Rand’s quote above, a healthy sense of belief in oneself can go a long way.

Belief and confidence are like the chicken and the egg, inextricably linked in such a way that it doesn’t really matter which one came first because they are both essential to the other’s existence. When building confidence, we must believe, and to believe we must be confident that what we believe is right.

No one is born confident. Your confidence and beliefs are shaped by your lived experiences, including failure and disappointment that can cause you to question everything you thought you knew.

When you question your beliefs, it directly affects your ability to be confident. However, it is almost certain that you will fail and be disappointed from time to time. Therefore, knowing how to maintain your confidence in the face of those low points is paramount. ((Harvard Business Review: How to Build Confidence))

In an effort to help you avoid the destabilizing effects of failure and disappointment, here are 5 steps to building confidence that is unshakeable.

1. Create a Strong Personal Belief Statement

A strong belief statement, or affirmation, can be a game changer. Your belief statement should be both a distillation of your beliefs and a statement of encouragement that reminds you of your capabilities. You should feel positive and empowered when you say your belief statement to yourself.

An example of a belief statement is: “I fearlessly succeed, no matter the circumstance, and remain victoriously affluent.” The statement speaks to an ability to overcome life’s failures and disappointments while still accomplishing whatever must be accomplished.

In order to create your belief statement:

1. Take 10 minutes to write down some challenges you have faced thus far and any themes that keep coming up in your life.
2. Spend 10 more minutes generating some possible beliefs statements (1 or 2 sentences each) that sum up your ability to overcome those challenges and rise above any negativity presented by the themes while still embracing the positive.
3. Spend 5-10 minutes saying the statements you have created out loud.
4. Choose the statement that evokes the most positive emotion and confidence in you when you recite it.

When you have finished, memorize this statement, write it on your bathroom mirror, or carry it in your pocket to reference when you need a pick-me-up. Frequent recitation of your belief statement out loud or internally will start to lay the foundation for long-term confidence.

2. Practice, Practice, Practice

Through repetition we gain facility. The more you practice being confident, the more confident you will be.

There are things that you already know you are good at or are capable of. The data from those past events can be helpful as you intentionally practice being confident, especially when it is used as evidence to support the belief that you can do whatever is required in the moment. ((Kingston University: Self-confidence at work: understanding and developing the construct))

Any time you believe you can accomplish something or deliver on an expectation, that is an opportunity to practice confidence. Simply expressing your confidence out loud to yourself or others can have a truly transformative effect.

The act of verbalizing your self-confidence immediately gives a positive belief more weight, and sharing it with others allows them to validate and support you in that belief. When they echo their confidence in you, it will help you in building confidence in yourself.

You have to strengthen your confidence like a muscle, otherwise you don’t stand a chance when life hits you with unexpected disappointment.

3. Surround Yourself With Confident and Competent People

You are a reflection of both the people you spend time with and your environment. Therefore, making sure that you’re spending time with people who exhibit confidence in themselves is important. They are modeling behaviors that are beneficial for your growth.

Watching others exercise their confidence despite life’s challenges will help deepen your belief and confidence in yourself. Their presence will not only serve as reminder of how to be confident in tough times, but it will also remind you that you are not alone on this journey.

4. Keep Track of Your Wins

You can’t argue with evidence. The internal critic can get pretty loud and aggressive when you are dealing with self-doubt, which can snowball into an all-out assault on your beliefs and confidence.

We tend to be very good are remembering what went wrong but not as great as remembering what we did well. Keeping a record creates an archive of valuable data. ((The Gallup Organization: Investing in Strengths))

When you have your wins written down, you can always refer back to them as tangible examples of your capabilities, bravery, and accomplishments. Your inner critic will be hard pressed to negate such compelling examples of your confidence in action. These examples are great prompts to reconnect with your confidence and exercise that muscle.

5. Establish a Foundation of Trust in the Greater Universality of Life

Trust, here, refers to a deeper knowing that allows you to experience a deep faith that leads to confidence.

When you trust that there is something greater in store for you, that everything happens for a reason, or that nothing is random, then you are able to tap into a sense of acceptance when thing go awry.

There is a beauty in your individual spiritual experience that is unique only to you. Many things are unknowable, including the future. However, what you do know is that you are here on this planet with millions of other people, all trying to live their best lives and bring something of value to their community.

You can trust that you are dedicated to doing what is necessary to move along your journey to self-realization. You can trust that up until this moment you have allowed yourself to be guided to where you need to be — whether by intuition or by something else. You can trust that you are already whole.

Cultivating a deep trust in the universality of life and the things we know to be true is an invaluable anchor for our confidence.

Final Thoughts

Building confidence is important, and for many that process can be daunting. Ultimately, what we believe about ourselves effects our confidence. We have all heard the old adage,

“If you don’t think you can, then you won’t.”

It may seem like an oversimplification, but it’s not. When you believe in yourself deeply, and the belief is rooted in deep trust, there is very little that can shake your confidence. Remember to practice confidence daily, be unafraid to create a belief statement that fires you up, track your wins, surround yourself with confident people, and establish a foundation of trust. Practices like these will give you the confidence you need to accomplish what is possible every day.

More to Boost Your Confidence

• How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence
• How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)
• 15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

Author: Awilda Rivera

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Imagine being totally immersed in an optimal state of consciousness, giving your fullest attention to an activity or task through improved focus and concentration, and heightening all aspects of your performance in the process.

Your mind declutters and the noise of your environment fades away, placing you in a non-distracted zone that creates a sense of uninterrupted fluidity between mind and body.

For those who struggle to concentrate or stay focused, this sounds like heaven.

This is known as the “flow state,” “flow,” or colloquially in sports as “in the zone” or “on a roll.” Surprisingly, you don’t necessarily have to be LeBron James, a super yogi, or a psychology guru to achieve it.

Whether you’re an athlete, an artist, or just a regular person engaged in a simple day-to-day task, with the right know-how, the flow state can be achieved. It may not quite be heaven, but it’s close enough for the easily distracted.

For many of us, focus and concentration have fallen prey to an onslaught of distractions and stimulation, some of which are deliberately engineered to capture our attention. This leaves us with little to no uninterrupted time to focus and concentrate, causing us to feel overwhelmed and helpless.

However, learning how to improve our focus and concentration by getting into the flow could be a silver bullet for the unrelenting distractions.

Characteristics of the Flow

According to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who recognized and named “flow,” the concept has eight main characteristics:

1. Complete concentration on the task.
2. A feeling of control over the task.
3. Effortlessness and ease.
4. Clarity of goals and reward in mind and immediate feedback.
5. A balance between challenges and skills.
6. The experience is intrinsically rewarding.
7. Transformation of time (speeding up/slowing down).
8. Actions and awareness are merged, losing self-conscious rumination.

As a result of its positive characteristics, flow has several benefits.

Research conducted by Harvard professor Teresa Amabile revealed that people who have experienced flow report higher levels of productivity and creativity for up to three days. However, these are just two of the many benefits.

The Benefits of Flow Immersion

The benefits of flow are multitudinous. Here is a sampling of how it can benefit you:

Improve Concentration

The ability to focus deeply minus distractions leads to higher output and quality work. When in a flow state, concentration becomes so laser-focused that everything else seems to fall away.

When in flow, your body and mind are in unison and know what to do without having to consciously think about it.

Eliminate Distractions

While in flow, the distracting emotions that usually cloud our minds, such as stress, worry, self-doubt, and lack of confidence, take a back seat.

Improve the Ability to Cope

Emotion regulation, a crucial skill when coping with negative emotions and memories, is directly connected to focus, one of the prerequisites of flow.

Flow directs our focus outward on the task at hand, instead of inward on our worries, fears, and frustrations.

If you know how to tune out negative distractions and focus on solving problems, you’ll get better at handling and moving on from major setbacks.

Create Happiness

Flow is said to be one of the most productive and happiest states that humans can be in.

Being fully immersed in a challenging task and feeling at one with it brings a general sense of well-being and a lasting sense of happiness and fulfillment.

Engage in a Positive Experience

The pleasure that comes with being deeply engrossed in something of significant interest or passion is said to result in an intrinsically positive experience.

Enhance Learning

Because it releases dopamine, flow enhances learning. Dopamine goes beyond providing a temporary high. It also heightens attention and decreases distractions, helping to raise our awareness.

Heighten Performance

A study ((McKinsey & Company: Increasing the ‘meaning quotient’ of work)) found that top executives who practice getting into the flow report being five times more productive.

Another study done by Harvard Business school reveals that creative teams are more creative and productive even a day after being in the flow.

According to scientists, the flow of our brain waves shifts from the beta waves of concentration to the alpha waves of rest and relaxation and the theta waves that occur during meditation. Theta waves are said to be prerequisites for moments of insight and the gateway to creative genius.

Improve Productivity in the Workplace

Due to its powerful influence, flow can be a major source of inspiration for employees to perform at their peak.

According to scientific research, the average employee switches tasks every three minutes. Due to the resulting “attention residue,” whenever an employee gets distracted, it takes an average of 25 minutes to regain full attention on the task at hand ((Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes: Why is it so hard to do my work? The challenge of attention residue when switching between work tasks)).

Consistently entering a flow state can facilitate employees to increase focus, which will lead to higher productivity and better work. This is music to the ears of not only employers but employees as well as it can ultimately lead to significant advancement in a career.

However, knowing how to improve focus and concentration using flow takes some effort. It is a delicate process that you won’t master by simply reading about it.

With that in mind, here is a breakdown on how to improve focus and concentration by getting into a state of flow.

How to Improve Focus and Concentration by Getting Into Flow

Getting into flow sounds great in theory, but mastering the skill of repeated immersion in flow is not easy.

You won’t achieve a state of flow in every attempt, but you can prime your environment and yourself for flow so that you experience it more often.

Here’s how:

1. Have Clear Goals, Outcomes, and Expectations

Your mind will struggle to achieve optimum concentration and focus if you lack clarity about what you want to accomplish.

If there’s no clear outcome, you won’t know exactly when you’re finished with your task. This will breed mind-wandering and procrastination and encourage quitting and switching to easier tasks.

2. Work on One Very Specific Task

Just like the goal, if you lack clarity on exactly what you are going to work on, it will be very difficult to enter a state of flow. You will either switch between multiple tasks too quickly or get distracted much more easily – both are serious detriments to achieving flow.

Multitasking creates a web of distractions that can make it impossible to achieve flow, so try to focus on one important task at a time.

3. Eliminate All Distractions and Avoid Interruptions

Research says external distractions must be eliminated to reach a flow state.((Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology: “Add Flow to the Fire”: Flow and Hope as a Shield against Burnout of Fire Service Workers))

Each time you get pulled away from your focus, you’ll be taken further away from flow.

It’s vital that you devote all of your concentration and undivided attention to the task at hand. You can only get into flow when you’re able to keep your focus and concentration for at least 10-15 minutes.

External distractions – Turn off your phone, television, other devices, and objects in your work environment that might distract you from the task at hand.

Try to set aside a time and move to a quiet environment that is conducive to “deep work,” where you won’t be interrupted or distracted.

Internal distractions – You’ll also need to eliminate internal distractions. Stress and an overwhelmed mind will make it very hard or even impossible to get into a flow state.

Eliminating all distractions will protect you from being disrupted and allows you to enter a state of deep focus and concentration, which is one of the most important elements of flow.

4. Do Something You Love

The easiest way to get into flow is to do something you love that is intrinsically rewarding. It will satisfy your mind’s craving for something challenging but doable.

5. Identify Your Peak Productive and Creative Times

Identify the times where your mind most naturally functions at peak performance. For many people, the morning after a good night’s sleep is the most productive. Focusing on the day’s main task during these times will make flow easier and more effective.

6. Create a Ritual

Try to create a series of actions that you do every single time you’re about to begin a task that requires you to enter a state of concentration.

This could be anything that helps, such as meditation or stretching. Whatever the activity, it will trigger your brain to get ready for what’s about to begin.

7. Focus on the Process, Not the End Goal

While having goals and a specific task are crucial, getting into the flow also requires enjoying the journey and not just fixating on the outcome.

Try to allow yourself to simply live in the present moment without worrying too much about the end product of your efforts. This will allow the experience to be pleasurable, which will encourage you to do it more often.

Conclusion

Getting into the flow is a powerful practice that can pave a pathway to achievement and personal improvement.

Mastering it is also a great way to learn how to improve focus and concentration, which is essential to achieving goals in life.

However, like every skill, it’s going to take intent and practice to master. We hope these tips will help you to go with the flow and develop the laser-like focus that will improve your performance on the job or in your daily life.

More Productivity Tips

• Top 10 Productivity Tips to Achieve More and Create Peace of Mind
• How to Focus and Concentrate Better to Boost Productivity
• 5 Surprising Tricks That Will Enhance Your Concentration
• How to Focus and Maximize Your Productivity (the Definitive Guide)

Author: Leon Ho

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As relationships evolve, there are certain relationship milestones that you and your partner will encounter. These markers signal the start of new chapters in your lives together.

These significant occasions will bring you closer and add layers of depth to your relationship.

A lot of expectant parents have read the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting. It has become a kind of Bible for parents about to bring a newborn into the world.

It’s useful because it delineates the process of pregnancy, childbirth, and beyond. Being prepared takes the guesswork out of it, and provides much-needed insight for becoming a parent.

Becoming a couple and building a strong partnership goes through its own process. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what to expect in this life stage, too?

Let’s take a look at some of the milestones couples can expect to experience in their journey together.

1. From “Just Dating” to Exclusivity

Dating is a numbers game. Sometimes, it takes a while to find what you’re looking for. It’s not unlike going shopping and trying on multiple outfits before finding the one that fits just right.

In the store of life, it can be challenging to find the perfect fit, but once you do, it’s very fulfilling.

After you’ve been going out for a while, you might discover that the person you’re seeing is pretty much everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner. You share the same goals, you’re compatible, and you love being with each other.

It’s at this point that you might decide to become exclusive and work on building your relationship. This relationship milestone is a great start, and worthy of recognition.

Having a tough time finding the right person? Check out 6 Proven Ways to Succeed with Online Dating.

2. Saying “I Love You!”

Who says it first? This is a semi-scary relationship milestone because in order to tell your love interest that you love them, you’re gambling with your heart.

What if you utter those three little words and your love interest just stands there and replies, “That’s nice”? Ouch.

When you start to realize that your feelings have turned to love, you might experience some vulnerability. Declaring your love comes with a great deal of risk. But great things usually do.

This milestone, if both parties feel the same, sets the tone for many milestones to come. It’s definitely worth celebrating your newfound closeness.

3. Making Love

This can be a momentous relationship milestone. It can come before or after saying “I love you” for the first time. Either way, by the time you arrive at this point, something amazing is happening in the relationship.

You’re starting to feel a special bond. You’ve both let down your guard, and there’s a feeling of connectedness between you.

If you’ve decided to wait until you’ve gotten to know each other better before reaching this relationship milestone, it makes the lovemaking all the more exhilarating.

Having sex with a new partner can be unnerving, exciting, and definitely unforgettable.

After all, it’s the first time. Maybe not the first time, but the first time with a new person, right? So, yes, this is definitely worthy of remembering.

“Dear Diary…”

NOTE: If you’ve been single for a while, have been through a difficult breakup, or have experienced the loss of a loved one, this milestone is critical because it means opening yourself up again.

There may be a lot of hesitation and uncertainty, but eventually, when you’re both ready, things will fall into place, and it won’t feel so awkward anymore.

“Your heart will be at war with your body at first. But then it will slowly remember the beauty of love, intimacy, and the physical experience we are here to have. AND IT WILL SURRENDER TO IT.” – Christina Rasmussen ((HuffPost: How to Be Intimate Again After Loss))

4. Meeting Friends and Family

This is a really critical relationship milestone. Receiving the Stamp of Approval from friends and family basically seals the deal.

Even though you may have fallen hard for your person, it always feels better if your family and friends think they are just as great as you think they are.

It makes things easier for your relationship in the long run. There are going to be many events during your life together, some of them with friends and family. You want to make sure everyone gets along, if possible.

“Relationships do not occur in vacuums…the truth is that our romantic connections are embedded within our broader social lives. Thus, our romantic relationships occur in and around our broader social networks and relationships with family and friends…” – Erica B. Slotter ((Psychology Today: Why Your Friends’ Approval is So Crucial to a Relationship))

Getting along with your partner’s good friends and close family members is critical to the success of the relationship.

Maybe Aunt Marsh isn’t very nice, but remember, all these people were there long before you were, so smile and be polite. The reunion won’t last forever.

5. Having Your First Fight

It’s going to happen. No matter how in love you are, disturbances are going to take place.

As you become more at ease with each other, guards will drop, and the baggage that you’ve both been carrying will, at some point or another, spill out.

This is obviously not cause for celebration, but you know what is? Talking it out, getting to the root of the problem, fixing it, and then moving forward.

All couples have disagreements. It’s how you manage them that is important. Each time you are able to get through an argument and become stronger for it, you’ve improved your relationship overall.

If you make it through your first fight, go ahead, have a nice dinner somewhere and talk about how much closer you feel.

6. Taking Your First Trip Together

Taking your first vacation together is certainly significant. Spending all that time away from home and all its comforts will give you a glimpse into the state of the relationship.

How well do you travel together? How flexible are you? Are you both able to compromise?

In order to travel together, you must work in tandem to come up with a trip you can both enjoy.

Your true personalities will no doubt surface at some point during the planning and the actual trip as unexpected things pop up.

“Travel pulls us from our routines and our comfort zones, so you’ll get to know a different side of a person. You’ll see how they react to lost luggage or evil mosquitoes. And they’ll see you when you’re hangry…” – Hannah Howard ((Swipe Life: The First Trip With My Boyfriend Told Me Everything I Needed To Know About Our Relationship))

How you both handle things is a great indicator of each of your personalities. So, if you have an amazing time on your trip and get along splendidly, you made it through another relationship milestone!

7. Getting Engaged

You’ve dated for an appropriate amount of time — enough to know that your love interest has kept your attention, and that you want more. Lots more. It’s a solid relationship, and you believe this is The One.

After much thought, you decide that becoming engaged is the next logical step. This milestone is important because it will be the stepping stone for many more significant chapters in your life.

Getting engaged says you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level. You don’t just want to date or shack up, you want to plan a future together.

If you have gotten this far, it is definitely worth celebrating. Getting here may not have been easy, but you made it to the point where your heart and mind are saying, “This is the person I want to share my life with.”

8. Getting Married

Getting engaged is big, but getting married clinches the deal. Tying the knot says that you both want to fully commit to each other and that you’re both willing to have each other’s backs.

Taking this final step is not “just a formality,” as I often hear from people; it is saying that you’re both all in, for better or for worse.

When you get married, you’re not just saying, “Yeah, I’m going to be with you forever!” You’re actually proving it by taking the necessary step, and sharing it with your friends and family.

However, getting married doesn’t always have to be a big affair in front of many loved ones.

Some couples like it short, sweet, and private. That’s fine. You’re still stating that you’re all in, and shutting the door on everyone else.

9. Buying a Home

Consider this relationship milestone a boulder not a pebble! When you, as a couple, decide to buy a home together, you’re in the thick of it.

You may or may not be married, but you are assuming that you will be in the relationship for the long haul.

Buying a home is a huge commitment — one that requires both parties to work in unison to consider mortgage payments, taxes, decorating ideas, and more. You will have to be completely in sync to make your home a cozy nest.

Closing escrow, which essentially means that the sale is final, definitely merits celebrating.

Creating a home together requires sacrifice, effort, and lots of love. When you can pull this off, it’s time to have a housewarming party!

10. Sharing a Terrible Secret

You know that you are both deeply committed when you tell each other your worst secrets. I’m not talking about saying, “I killed a man a couple of years back in a brawl. They still don’t know it was me.” (Yikes!)

I’m talking about things — embarrassing or painful things — that you have never shared with anyone else. If you can open up to each other and divulge your BIG secret(s), that’s a sign of deep intimacy and trust.

“[I]t may take some time for you to reveal your potentially shameful personal secrets to a partner. Eventually, though, when you feel comfortable enough, those long-buried truths will likely come out — and you and your partner should become that much closer.” – Susan Krauss Whitbourne ((Psychology Today: How Secrets Can Strengthen or Destroy Your Relationship))

By the time you share your secret(s), you’ve built up a lot of trust in each other. That’s one way to keep your relationship expanding on many different levels, and it is definitely worth celebrating.

11. Having Your First Baby

This relationship milestone is one of the biggest life changers of all. No one is fully ready for this one. You may have the nursery all set up, and might have read What to Expect When You’re Expecting thoroughly (see above), but no one is ready.

Having a baby will test you, the relationship, and everything else you can imagine. But it is also an opportunity to bond with your partner even more, believe it or not.

You will have to come together often to make important decisions about your baby. In the process, your love for each other will grow as you share the most priceless thing in your lives.

When your baby comes into being, it will require the stamina of an Olympic athlete, and the patience of Job. It’s a big task, but it can be done. During this time, make sure that you set aside time for each other.

You might be tempted to put romance on the back burner, but it is important to keep that love flame alive. Two happy parents produce happier children. Don’t skip date nights!

Raising a baby can be exhausting, but it can also one of the most amazing events in your lives. And imagine all the photo ops for Facebook and Instagram!

Still nervous? Read our 50 Top Parenting Tricks and Hacks That Will Make Life Easier And More Fun.

12. Dropping off Your Little Tyke on the First Day of School

What parent doesn’t shed a tear as they drop their beloved child off on their first day of Kindergarten? Their baby is no longer a baby. Kindergarten starts it all. It’s the beginning of the educational journey.

But for you, as a couple, it’s a chance to have more time to yourselves. You can both celebrate this momentous event — maybe have brunch after dropping off your little one.

Celebrate how far you’ve come; recount some of the cute things you’ve experienced, and talk about some of the things you’re looking forward to.

Think of it this way: with all the extra time you have, you can plan more romantic rendezvous for you and your honey, not to mention share prideful moments as your little person learns to count to 100.

Take lots of pictures, and enjoy this big and sentimental relationship milestone.

13. Puberty! Yikes!

At some point, without even realizing it, your child becomes a tween, and then a teenager. You seriously start to wonder who they are.

“Where’s my little princess?” you might ask. “What happened to the boy who used to cuddle with me at night?”

Yes, you will have a stranger in your house.

This phase lasts quite a while. It’s probably one of the most difficult relationship milestones. There’s major attitude, smart-mouthing, disregard for orders, hateful words, and more.

As a couple, you might find yourselves disagreeing on how certain things should be handled. But this is the time to come together; to be strong, and to build a united front.

Lean on each other for support, and build each other up when discouragement sets in. This is another bonding experience that can solidify your relationship.

During this phase, I highly recommend the book by Michael J. Bradley, Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind.

When my son turned into a “stranger,” I read this book carefully. The highlighter was my friend.

This book is excellently written and extremely helpful. It will give you hope and normalize what you’re experiencing. You will feel better about yourself and your unruly teen.

For you as a couple, it can guide you along so that you’re more adept at handling the difficult situations that might come your way.

This too shall pass. Hang in there! I don’t know if this is necessarily a relationship milestone to celebrate, but it is a milestone. What you’ll be celebrating is the day they turn human again.

Times will be rough, but it will feel so good when it ends. In an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, Ellen Pompeo says, “Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when it stops!” And it will stop! ((IMDB: Ellen Pompeo: Dr. Meredith Grey: Quotes))

14. Getting a Promotion

Somewhere in between raising your teen, teaching them how to drive, and surviving it all with a tasty dinner after their high school graduation, you and/or your partner may be offered a promotion.

You may have worked hard in your chosen careers and are now being recognized by being offered a wonderful opportunity.

This might mean more money, a title change, or both, and possibly the ability to afford things you weren’t able to before. It will also mean more responsibility.

Remember to be responsible with the time you do have. Use your new benefits to come closer together, to plan trips, and to have more romantic times together.

This is a wonderful relationship milestone. It is saying, “You’ve done an excellent job, and we recognize it.” This is a time to congratulate each other and celebrate your achievements.

If both of you are working hard, but only one of you gets promoted, don’t allow jealousy to set in. Be happy for your partner. What’s good for one of you will be good for both of you. After all, you are a team.

Celebrate your promotion(s), but keep the date nights and the communication going.

Read 7 Habits of Successful Working Parents to strike the best work-family balance you can.

15. Feeling the Empty Nest

One day, after all is said and done, your little one will have turned into an adult right before your very eyes. They will be packing up for college, getting married, or simply moving out.

This will be a bittersweet relationship milestone. As much as you want your child to be independent, you are going to miss their presence.

Here is something to think about: If your relationship was neglected during the child-rearing years, there may be some consequences resulting from that neglect.

Once your child is gone, so is the distraction. It will be just you and your partner, “alone again, naturally,” as the Gilbert O’Sullivan song says. ((YouTube: Alone Again)) The good news is, this is a great time to rediscover each other.

This milestone can be an opportunity to expand as a couple, to take time to date, travel, and enjoy friends. The sadness will dim, don’t worry. Everything will fall into place, and new routines will be created.

NOTE: In some cases, son or daughter may return home because they discover how hard it is out in the REAL WORLD. So, celebrate and enjoy your time without them while you can.

The Bottom Line

The above relationship milestones aren’t the only ones. You may have celebrated milestones that aren’t even on this list, but that were very special to you nonetheless.

Whatever markers your relationship experiences, they are markers to be acknowledged. After all, you’re building a life together.

All the shared experiences that lead up to that 60+ year anniversary are worth celebrating, are they not?

Even More Relationship Advice

• 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts
• 10 Simple Ways to Keep a Fulfilling Relationship
• 7 Steps to More Love in Your Relationship

Author: Rossana Snee

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With the power of imagination, there is nothing you set out to do in your life that you won’t be able to achieve. Setting lofty goals leverages your imaginative abilities and pushes you to accomplish something great.

Success begins in your mind, and if you are not limited in your thinking, you’ll always love setting big goals.

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.” – William Arthur Ward ((Brainy Quotes: William Arthur Ward Quotes))

Many are too scared to set big goals. Perhaps because they don’t want to be disappointed or they feel the bigger things are not meant for them.

In this article, I have highlighted how you can achieve unprecedented success in your life by setting lofty goals.

What Are Lofty Goals?

A lofty goal is a goal that reaches for something big, of a high standard, and often requires great or even overwhelming efforts to accomplish.

Lofty goals are beneficial as they can help you raise your standards and change your status. Lofty goals may sometimes sound beyond reach for the fainthearted, but to the brave, they are the kind of goals that help people to accelerate their success.

When you set lofty goals, your creative juices begin to pump, and your whole being is set in motion to generate ideas on how to accomplish your goals. Accomplishing these goals will give you a feeling of success and a better life than you have ever imagined.

Lofty goals have their own peculiarity. For example, while it is a general rule in goal setting to only set goals that are realistic, lofty goals do not necessarily obey this rule.

This is because lofty goals are based mainly on your imaginative power and your will to accomplish them. Once you can capture these goals in your imagination and have the courage to pursue them, you can achieve them.

Here are some examples of lofty goals:

• Lose 180 pounds in 10 months
• Achieve financial freedom at 40
• Publish an international bestseller
• Climb Mount Everest
• Break an Olympic record
• Reunite with an ex-spouse
• Achieve family harmony
• Beat terminal disease
• Travel to all the countries of the world before you turn 55
• Buy the house of your dreams without debt
• Feed two million homeless people before you die

Dare to Dream Big With Lofty Goals

You can attain unprecedented success in your life if you break out of your cocoon and begin to dream big. Making it a habit to set lofty goals will lead you to dream bigger and bigger.

Never be content with mediocre achievements; you can always reach for something higher, bigger, and better!

To dream big, practice keeping your latest achievements as the benchmarks for the next goals you are aiming to achieve. Move up from one level of success to the next.

3 Steps to Dreaming Big

Get Motivated

Spend time around people with bigger dreams – those who are also succeeding in their own dreams. By being around these kinds of people, your mindset will change and you will see the possibilities in dreaming big dreams too.

Make Dreaming Part of Your To-Do List

Create a specific time and place to dream. Take a pen and a writing pad.

Release yourself into the world of imagination and look broadly at your life: where you are currently, where you ought to be, and how far you really can go if there are no limitations.

Avoid Negative People

It goes without saying that you should also avoid people with a negative attitude. Your motivation can disappear quickly by just having a conversation with a negative person.

Once you have taken these three steps and have written down your dreams (hopefully they are big), begin to set lofty goals towards actualizing them.

10 Important Factors to Achieving Lofty Goals

For your lofty goals to become actualized, you have to really treat them as goals and not just mere wishful thinking. You must have a willingness to pursue them with everything you’ve got.

Here are 10 factors that will give you a clearer picture of your lofty goals and also ensure that you can actualize them:

1. Connect Your Goals to a Bigger Purpose

In order to succeed, let your lofty goals fall in line with the bigger purpose of your life.

Your life should always be directed towards a broader purpose. When your goals connect with this bigger purpose, your approach to reaching these goals will make more sense to you.

2. Make Goals Your Top Priority

If you really want to accomplish your goals, they should become your top priority.

Once you have prioritized them, you will be able to give them the kind of attention they require. Failure to prioritize might lead to focusing more on the “easy” things while you keep procrastinating on actions related to your lofty goals.

What happens in the case of clashing interests, you may ask. There will always be conflicts of interest in life, but when you have made your goal a top priority, you will be able to give it the attention that it deserves.

3. Make Plans That Will Get You There

You have to figure out what it takes to achieve your lofty goals and then put a plan together to achieve them. Planning shows that you believe in your goals, and that you are creating a pathway towards achieving them.

Even if you do not currently have the required resources, you’ve got to plan as if you do. You will be surprised how doing this will allow you to gain fresh energy to pursue your goals.

Besides, you might also begin to see the required resources springing up from unknown places.

“When you want something, the whole universe conspires to make it happen.” – Paulo Coelho ((Paulo Coelho: My 25 Important Points))

4. Make Goals Scalable and Reachable

In your planning, break down the bigger goals into milestones. Instead of working towards achieving the big goal, your mind will be aiming for one milestone at a time.

This makes your goals feel much more within reach and much less less overwhelming.

Accomplishing each milestone will give you the motivation to do more, and you will find that you have accomplished your big goal in no time.

5. Keep It Under Your Hat

Be careful who you tell about your lofty goals. Unless they are trusted accountability partners in achieving your goals, it is advisable not to tell anyone at all, especially when you’re just getting started.

People’s skepticism, pessimism, and discouragement can kill your dream even before it starts.

6. Acknowledge Fears and Confront Them

Accept the challenge of fear and come to terms with it.

Fears are the thoughts about possibilities of failure or the anxieties about not being sure how things are going to turn out. If possible, write down your fears one by one and look for alternative facts for each of them.

Read more about conquering fears: How to Overcome Your Fear and Achieve Greatness

7. Think Only in Terms of Success

Look for more reasons why you will succeed than why you might fail.

While it is useful to consider what can make your goals fail, it’s much better to focus on how you want them to succeed. This requires that you focus only on achieving the goal, and that you become “deaf and dumb” to other voices.

8. Prepare for Opposition

People might tell you that your goals are not feasible. Others might even try to block you from succeeding.

You have to prepare for this ahead of time and be tactical with your goals to defeat opposition. Many successful people have had to prove the skeptics wrong.

You have to be able to silence your opposition and show them that your goal is truly worth pursuing.

9. Plan for Contingencies

There will be unavoidable obstacles along the path to achieving your goals. They do not necessarily mean to stop you, but they arise anyway.

In your planning, be sure to make room for contingencies. Most importantly, decide in advance never to give up on your lofty goals, no matter what challenges you come across.

10. Get Help if Necessary

Learn to ask for help when you need it. Someone out there might be willing to help or to offer a crucial idea that can propel you forwards toward your goal.

You may have seen the viral video depicting a scenario in which a huge tree fell across a major road, causing serious traffic gridlock. A very little boy approached the fallen tree and was trying to push it.

At first, people didn’t take him seriously. But when they saw that he was determined, they joined him in pushing the tree and the road became clear again for everyone. ((YouTube: Lead India – The Tree))

The lesson in this video is that one way or another, when you take the required actions, you will always find someone will support your dream.

Final Thoughts

Lofty goals are essential, and anyone who is determined to have a better life can accomplish them. Do not be content with small- or medium-level achievements.

Make a habit of giving yourself a daunting goal to achieve every time, and you will see yourself stretch towards unprecedented success.

More About Reaching Your Dreams

• 10 Ways to Turn Your Big Dream Into Reality
• 30s Tip: Dream Big and Aim High
• How Setting Personal Goals Makes You a Greater Achiever

Author: Leon Ho

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There are different types of goals that you can set in your quest to become successful in life. However, when it comes to taking a leap, changing status, identifying opportunities, maximizing possibilities, and surmounting obstacles, Strategic goals are the kinds of goals that can take care of everything in the bottleneck and help you move from your current state to wherever you desire to be.

Strategic goals produce strategic results and these include attaining positive change and repositioning of your life and status, gaining competitive advantage, achieving optimum performance, and living a balanced life, etc.

In this article, I will share some insight into the thought process that leads to setting strategic goals, and how you can develop and make use of strategic goals to boost the key areas of your life. You will also find specific examples of strategic goals for your personal development.

What are Strategic Goals?

Strategic goals are specific objectives and results that you as an individual aims to achieve over a period of time, usually three to five years ((BDC: Strategic Goals)). They are long term in nature and often emerge when you engage strategic thinking or undertake a strategic planning process.

Perhaps, what differentiate setting strategic goals from other types of goals is that they are based on strategic response to some identified opportunities or challenges. When you want to make a new move or make major changes in your life, what you need are strategic goals.

How to Plan for Strategic Goals

In the strategic planning process, Environmental scan and SWOT analysis are two important tools you can utilize in your evaluation. Although these tools are primarily used in business, they can be applied to your personal situation as well and will be very helpful to you in setting your strategic goals for success.

Environmental Scan

Environmental scanning is an ongoing tracking of trends and occurrences in an organization’s internal and external environment that bear on its success, currently and in the future ((Fordham University: Conducting an Environmental Scan)).

The results of this scanning are said to be extremely useful in shaping goals and strategies.

As an individual, internal and external situations affects your success and future too and you need to track them to be succesful. Your internal factors include your strengths and weakness. You have control over these two and you can utilize, manage or improve on them for your own success.

Brian Tracy highlighted 9 factors that can influence your personal success, they include education, skill, contacts, money, good work habits, positive mental attitude, positive image, creativity, and character.((Brian Tracy: 9 Success Factors For Personal Growth))

Other factors that can affect your success also include market trends, economic outlook of the country you live in, government policies, advancement in technology, family situation, social influence, etc.

You need to study these factors and review how they impact your success and progress positively or negatively.

Personal SWOT Analysis

The SWOT acronym stand for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats.

Maximizing your talents and opportunities and managing your weaknesses and threats can boost your success rate in life. The personal SWOT analysis will help in ordering your thinking and give you different perspectives about your life. It will also help you to identify areas where you need development.

How to Set Strategic Goals

When you have identified the areas mentioned in the previous section, you will then be able to set strategic goals towards making the needed changes.

Identify Strategic Issues for Strategic Goals Setting

Strategic issues are issues that their presence or absence can contribute to your success or failure, or are capable of affecting a needed change in your life. When you carry out an environmental scan and SWOT analysis, you will be able to identify strategic issues and goals towards the end of the process.

These issues and goals usually come from strengths to be built on, weaknesses to be strengthened, opportunities to be taken, and threats to be avoided.((Management Help: Basics of Identifying Strategic Issues and Goals ))

Clarify Strategic Priorities to Set Strategic Goals

From your analysis, there is the likelihood that many issues will come up. Also, you might find that some of the problems are urgent, while some are important. Therefore, to be able to come up with more definite strategic goals, it is better to focus on the important issues.

These important issues will represent your strategic priorities. When you know what your priorities are, you will be able to set your goals based on those priorities and create strategies based on your priorities.

Examples of Strategic Goals for Personal Development

To illustrate examples of strategic goals for personal development, I will assume that you have taken the environmental scan and SWOT analysis, and you have also been able to identify the issues of importance due to the gaps you have found and what you need to get to the next stage of your life. These have now become your top strategic priorities, say over the next three to five years.

For example, your strategic priorities for your personal development for the next three to five years can be the following and they can be turned to strategic goals:

• Develop Self-Confidence
• Boost Personal Image
• Advance in Education
• Acquire More Skills
• Achieve Work-Life Balance

1. Develop Self Confidence

Whatever it is that you do, exuding self-confidence is crucial to your personal success. Having self-confidence can help you perform to your highest potential as it gives you the energy and confidence to take action. It will help you to influence others as you become attractive and noticeable. It can also earn you a promotion at work.

Plus, you’ll be more positive and make better decisions. Other than that, you will be more productive and be happier.

The lack of self-confidence can bring apathy. You will be unable to take the necessary actions that can lead to your success thus missing out on great opportunities.

If you have identified a lack of self-confidence, you can set a strategic goal to boost your confidence through daily personal affirmations, reading books on personal development, relating more with people who exude confidence, attempting the things that often scare you, and probably also taking the 100 days challenge .

2. Boost Personal Image

Like self-confidence, the way you appear to other people says a lot about you and your chances of success. Paying attention to personal grooming; how you look and what you wear can boost your personal image and open more doors of opportunities for you. There are specific ways to dress for success. You can achieve this and still be on a budget.

Besides dressing, you will also need to learn other attributes like wearing a warm smile when meeting people, giving a firm handshake, practice good walking steps, carriage etc. All of this will say much about your self-image. When you consciously develop this habit over an extended period of time, it becomes part and parcel of you.

3. Enroll for Professional Masters Degree or Doctorate

There is no end to learning and education is key to success at any stage in life. No matter how confident you are, there are some opportunities you will never able to access if you do not have the required academic qualifications.

In your analysis, you might have identified some opportunities in your industry which you have not been able to access as a result of lack of qualification. It may also be that you sense that some new opportunities are emerging in your industry and the technical skills are not readily available. It could be your strategic goal to take an advanced study in that area so that you would have gotten the requirements by the time such an opportunity presents itself.

A woman once took a study leave at her place of work to earn a doctorate in a reputable institution. She had sensed that there would be an opening in a tenure-based office in her organization and she was interested in that position. She got her degree around the same time the office became vacant. She applied and got the job.

What a strategy! It may not work out for everyone like that but in her own case, it did.

4. Acquire More Skills, Develop Existing Ones

Skills are one of the most important assets that determine success in life. Skill-gaps limit growth, productivity, and opportunities. If you have identified skill-gap in your analysis, it’s about time to set strategic goals to acquire or develop those skills.

Some of the skills you’ll probably need most are problem-solving skills, creative thinking skills, management and leadership skills, IT skills, and communication skills. Acquiring and developing any of these skills will require some training, reading, learning, and conscious practice.

5. Achieve Work-Life Balance

One of the markers of a successful life is balance. Attaining work-life balance in this ever busy world would definitely require some strategic planning which revolves around time management.

You have to allocate time and resources to every important aspect of your life: work, family, health, social life, spiritual life, etc and stick to your schedules as much as possible. This can be a long time strategic goal to work your way through such that in the next three to five years, you can confidently say that no aspect of your life is suffering a result of the other.

The Bottom Line

Climbing the success ladder in life requires strategies. In order to make strategic moves, you might have to carry out an environmental scan and SWOT analysis to identify your potentials and limitations and also identify the opportunities around you.

This analysis will open you up to issues in your life that require attention in order to become more successful. You will then be able to set your strategic priorities based on the issues you think are most important to you.

This then forms the basis for your strategic goals which you can set to achieve over the next three to five years.
Author: Leon Ho

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