Not too long ago, I was in Asia in a country where honor is everything. If you do ANYTHING that brings dishonor to yourself, your family, or your community you are the worse than the lowest scum on the earth, even if it is only PERCEIVED dishonor. This brings more shame to you than stealing the food Mother Theresa was going to give to the poor and slapping her while you are at it just because she was there.

The gentleman who was my “contact” on this project picked me up at my hotel to take me to the job site, I didn’t try to drive because they drive on the “wrong” side of the street, and while we were on the road, he described some of the areas we drove through and some of the buildings we passed by.

He called my attention to what was a rather large hospital and as we passed he said that a few years ago he spent a couple weeks there because his appendix had burst. He said that was picked up by ambulance at his office and taken to the hospital and that “was a great shame.” I watched his body language as he said this. His shoulders shrunk, his grip tightened on the steering wheel, his whole body drooped. I didn’t say anything but thought, “a great shame to have to be picked up by an ambulance and taken to the hospital to save your life?” I didn’t understand how this could be true but he believed it and I could tell that he did by the effect it had on his whole being. It made me sad because he is a great guy.

That conversation has stuck with me and I have wondered how many times “shame” or a perceived possibility of “shame” has kept me from achieving something. The truth is more times that I want to admit. How about you? I know I was ridiculed and shamed by other kids when I was young, and even though I don’t like to admit it, the truth is the truth. After all, you might make fun of me because I am honest about it.

People talk about the “enemies of success.” They talk about the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of this, the fear of that. They don’t hear too much about the fear of ridicule or being shamed. This can be paralyzing. This can cause our self-preservation mechanisms to kick in and we shrink in the corner and hope nobody sees us or realizes just how “bad” or “shameful” we are.

There are people out there who put others down just so they can feel better about themselves. Sad, but true. Unfortunately there is no magic pill to take to overcome this. Learning to recognize this behavior for what it is will help.

There are people who will ridicule you and try to make you feel inadequate no matter what you do or don’t do. It’s sad but this is just a part of life. Do your best to stay away from those people. You can’t always, but do your best. Remember what Lincoln said, “You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” You can’t do it so there is no use in trying. And Shakespeare commented, “And this above all, to thine own self be true.” And Most Important, I tell you that You Are Good Enough, Just As You Are! Don’t try to change who you are to please somebody else. If you do, you will stop being you.